I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
