I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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