so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A bitchslap is in order.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
