The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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