Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
