Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i came on her dog
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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