I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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