He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
