Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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