my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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