and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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