I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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