So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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