But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
