I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he fucked my hip out of place.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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