The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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