Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
