It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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