god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
