No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
