The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She announced her abortion via fbk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
