Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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