Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
