I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
