We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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