Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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