just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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