Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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