We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
