so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
