Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize