I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize