Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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