I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
