we have officially lost it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
