Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
