just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
