Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
