marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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