Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
