i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
