sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
