I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
