Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
