My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
