I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize