The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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