Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize