I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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