These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
