I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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