I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
