did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
