dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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