At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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