nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize