just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
