I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
