Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
