Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize