I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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