so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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