I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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