id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize