whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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