It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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