if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
