matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize