And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's like iHOP with fire
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
