Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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