this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
