then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
