Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
