Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
