ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
where am i from again
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
