i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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