he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
