Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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