woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
there is glitter all over my balls
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
