I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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