White coat. Heels.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The adults are the big ones right?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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