They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
