I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
