VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
