my room smells like sperm. sweet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
