just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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