Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize